1. |
A Year Underwater
03:23
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a year underwater
and i'm still breathing fine
taking smoke into my lungs
they'll collapse from the inside
i know it's not my problem,
i said things that i'll regret.
got my back against the wall,
let me go, just let me go
a year underwater
and i'm still breathing fine
trace the ridges on my skull
and run your fingers down my spine
and if you come a little closer
i'll forget to breathe at all
twisted hands and bloodshot eyes,
twisting fingers in my sides.
try to stay afloat,
drink to keep from drowning
and if the current pulls you down
i'll keep my head up.
a year underwater
and i'm still breathing fine,
be the pins and needles in my arms
and help me fall asleep tonight
and if you come a little closer
i'll say something that i'll regret
got my back against the wall,
don't let me go, don't let me go.
so will you look me in the eye
and tell me that everything's alright
and if you try to ask me why
i'll turn this car around
but i'd love to watch you drive
if that means i'm coming home with you tonight
i'm on my back now, staring at the ceiling
face first, i fall to the ground
you're so contagious
but when i'm with you, i'm coughing my lungs out.
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2. |
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some nights i feel invincible,
like nothing that i say could bring me down
but i've overstayed my welcome
the second i came through here
so show me to the door
and i'll leave without a sound
maybe sleep beneath the bushes
'til the morning
and i hope that it haunts you
like the spiders crawling
through your sheets at night
but that's my life
so step into my frame,
we'll put the pictures away;
glass still cuts you anyway.
maybe i'll move to the coast,
cut my hair and change my name,
but you'd still recognize my shadow
against a blackened background.
so when "Planetary" starts playing
in your living room
we'll dance 'til we get dizzy
but momentum makes me weak
and i still hope that it haunts you
like the spiders crawling
through your sheets at night,
but that's my life,
but that's my life.
i'll probably hide in my room
won't show my face around here again
i'll make some instant coffee
to keep me up all night
'cuz i got my records
and i got this slightly drunken afterglow
and if we don't talk it 'cuz i
wasn't having that much fun tonight.
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3. |
100 Meter Dash
02:26
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(contains a lyrical interpolation of "Lost In The World" by Kanye West)
let's break out of this fake-ass party,
turn this into a classic night.
if we die in each other's arms
we'd still be fucked in the afterlife.
everything is fine,
but could you open up your window?
i need to cool down
and i know you're just running through
the cuts on your knees
and the cracks in the concrete
one day you'll wipe off the smirk
and wipe off the cold sweat
that tastes like whiskey, coca-cola and regret.
and i'll go home
and i'll get stoned
'cuz i'm not about that,
no, not tonight.
and i'll go home,
i'll be sleeping alone in the morning.
she said i grew up too fast
but i'm the last one through the finish line
so why can't you finish what you started
with me tonight?
and i'll go home
and i'll get stoned,
i was never about that,
no, not tonight.
and i'll go home,
i'll be sleeping alone in the morning.
i know i grew up too fast,
i'll never cross the finish line with you.
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4. |
Sadsacking
03:55
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i'll ride my skateboard across campus
to see what you're up to
i'll take the long way home
if you've got better things to do
and i'm looking for a reason why
i'd need to leave this couch
this time tomorrow
and i'll take you with me,
we could ride my skateboard.
and someday i'll learn how to give the right fucks
and i will set the record straight that these
sad songs that i've been singing
are just melodies and words.
and someday i'll learn how to screw my head on straight
pick it up and put the pieces back together
if i knew how, if i knew how.
i never knew, i never knew how.
you used to be so funny when you got high
and you stood in the center of the room.
you were the center of attention,
the part i was always so desperate for.
all the right friends and all the wrong decisions,
breaking windows and slamming doors all night.
one drink turns into four or five,
it's not your worst idea, but this is not how i planned this out.
and someday i'll learn how to give the right fucks,
but i'm too tired, too hungover to go outside.
songs ringing in the back of my head,
they never meant nothing to anyone but me.
and someday i'll learn how to shut the fuck up,
my tongue's a shovel that's been digging me down too deep,
but don't you're only twenty-one, you should be having fun
instead of crying yourself to sleep.
walking home, i guess you'd rather be alone.
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5. |
Flyover State
06:36
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cast out on still water,
saw my shadow, then i hid in the corner.
tried to remember but i'm
drawing a blank this time.
so speak,
'cuz i only speak when i'm spoken to.
i unravel and roll down this
downtown street after midnight,
down this starry-eyed highway in your head.
but i would be your headrest on the drive home
'cuz it's a long way to New Jersey
and i need to be alone
sometimes
but keep it to yourself and i won't say a word now.
keep it to yourself and i won't tell anyone, i swear.
but it's not really like that.
now wait,
i was never really fighting the good fight
so cover your eyes 'til you see it
or pretend you don't hear
'til the floorboards give you away
or toss in both our hands tonight,
we're the cutest kids with dark sides.
we've got nothing to hide, and that's just fine,
but no one wants to hear that we're alright.
your makeup won't hide the circles under your eyes
i'll take it as a sign that's telling me i'm just like you
call it like it is, then i'll call myself a taxi
'cuz i don't think that i can look at you with a straight face.
you broke down and i don't need that in my life,
i'm giving up on all my happily-ever-afters with you.
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6. |
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grinding my teeth down
at the sight of you dressed to kill
you can tell that i've been drinking by
the blank expression that's so typical
but i've got a case of keystone
that your older brother bought
if there's a night to not remember
i'd pick tonight
because i don't take pictures
and i don't write songs
i just sit and wait in silence
while my head spins around
we drew x's on our hands
so we could stay young forever
and i know it's not pathetic
i just swear that this is gonna get better
and it's not pathetic
i know that this is gonna get better
so call the cops 'cause we're burning this one down
but hold up, 'cause i don't really mean that
i was only joking about that
in the worst way possible
college freshman,
i don't know what my body's used for
but you don't like her that much do you?
you don't like her that much do you?
i don't take pictures
and i don't write songs
i just sit and wait in silence
with my spinning head
and i'm seeing stars tonight
so this is me throwing up in your bedroom
and this is me passed out on your floor
and this is me making a list of all the things
that turned you off tonight
and it's not pathetic
'cause it's getting better
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7. |
The Punching Game
01:56
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i want you to procrastinate me
forget that i exist
pretend that i am not meant to be alive.
i want you to second-guess me,
act like i am broken,
treat me like a punching bag and
tell me i'm a waste of your time.
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8. |
sk8b0@rd
02:54
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hungover but i won't hang up,
acting like i give a fuck.
let me waste another day
skateboarding my problems away.
this summer i thought i'd grow out my hair
in hopes that no one would recognize me,
or act like i am too cool to care
and fall off my skateboard 'til i bleed.
and i will waste another day,
self-esteem is overrated anyway.
blood is gushing from my knees (and i can't get up)
my palms become asphalt from falling in the street (and i can't get up)
push me down until my conscience dies (so i'll drink enough)
drink away another wasted night (that i won't wake up)
this summer i thought i'd finally give up
'cuz i can only take so much
and drop out of school and start a band,
but nothing ever goes according to plan.
i'll drink away another day,
self-esteem is overrated anyway.
and then you woke from a bad dream
and saw right through me.
cut the hair out of my eyes,
you're just too old for that.
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9. |
Demerits
06:12
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your older brother went off to see
a slightly larger version of a world where he knew everything;
sent postcards from a semester abroad
to remind you what you missed out on.
i woke up with a headache
and eight missed calls
why do i do this to myself?
i just need a solid eight or something
like a break in the cycle,
i guess the way it's been going lately started catching up
and that's worse than bringing shame on your family
or the sickly shade of pale in the mirror
first thing in the morning.
i guess we all need reminders
when we're getting by
because that's something to aspire to.
so lay it to rest, i suppose,
lay it to rest, i suppose.
and so you asked
if i was doing alright.
we shot the shit and got high
in your car, parked next to the high school.
we graduated with reckless abandon,
now we're skipping out on our
five-year reunion
'cuz i was never one for keeping up appearances,
i could never keep up anyway.
then i saw the cherry reflect in your iris,
a song came on the radio,
you started singing:
"everything's gonna be alright,
everything's gonna be alright,
everything's gonna be alright."
just like you told me it would.
you called me out on my bluff
when i couldn't keep my cards close to my chest,
couldn't keep a straight face when
you dumped my boxes at the foot of my driveway.
a fifty-two-degree morning,
october 2014.
you won't kiss me when i smell like smoke,
but there's ash in the seams of the sweatshirt
you borrowed before,
and you won't kiss me when i smell like smoke,
and if you can't live without me
then i would wear black to your wedding.
you won't kiss me when i smell like smoke.
you won't kiss me when i smell like smoke,
so i'll lay it to rest, i suppose.
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10. |
Cigarette
04:13
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i am lighting this cigarette
from a pack i should never have bought in the first place.
i feel a little bit sick to my stomach,
my hands are trembling, i'm running out of time.
there are ghosts sitting on my shoulders,
they mutter incomprehensible words
to the rhythm of the falling rain,
my twisted thoughts have started crossing the line.
and maybe it's an inside joke,
maybe i'm on the wrong side of the fence,
but baby, if it's not funny,
then why are you laughing?
i am a skeleton painted orange
on display behind shattered glass.
you are the river running through me,
you knock me down on my way home.
it's getting kind of dark out, i can't see.
i guess i'm just eternally on my knees,
all i can make out is "get out while you still can!"
and then a static on your end of the phone.
and i will wait on your front porch,
i will smoke you out of my head.
and maybe you could cut the rope,
or take a razor blade to a screen door,
i know you know that it's not fucking funny,
so why are you laughing?
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11. |
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i wrote the book on beating myself up
so where's the punchline,
and who's laughing now?
i beat the joke to a pulp
and took the 36 home,
and laid my head down.
then i spent my last six dollars
on a six-pack of shitty beer
to share with you.
it's a fool's gold standard
of how we've been getting by.
but i've never been one to drag out
stupid things like these,
i just hope you find your dreams,
it's too late for me.
and you keep saying that you could do better,
but, god, i've heard that too much lately.
you're too hung up on how people never change
and i'm not trying to prove you wrong tonight.
and you said don't look towards the light,
your last chance to get it right,
but if it keeps you hanging on,
then i'll probably wait for you here.
so save this for when you're all alone
watching the raindrops hit your window.
you always loved just what they were doing,
the way they'd echo back.
well, i'm just saying that i could do better,
but god, you're not listening to anything i say.
you're too hung up on how i'm never gonna change,
and i guess this all just proved you wrong tonight.
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12. |
Fly
02:53
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a fly is flickering in and out of sight
behind the corner of my windowsill.
if i could clip its wings off and rearrange them
in some other type of pattern i would.
so when the best year of your life faded,
were they as good as you hoped they would be?
when pretending to be sad is progress
it's the only way i know how to be.
so they drew an x on my hand,
no, i don't think i'll be drinking tonight.
i'm waking up early in the morning,
yeah, tomorrow i'm gonna make it all right.
so they drew an x on my hand
so i could stay young forever.
i washed it off the next morning in the shower,
buttoning my shirt as i leave.
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